One Step Closer

I lost 0.8kg this week, taking me to the total of 17.7kg and the lightest I've been on this journey so far. This has taken me one step closer to my ultimate goal of getting to goal weight and getting pregnant with baby number two. I felt really happy that I'd lost weight, though will have to try a bit harder this week to lose my goal of one kg.

So I'm one step closer to:
* The body I want
* Being sexy!
* Getting pregnant
* Throwing away all my fat clothes
* Feeling normal again

I'm going out with some girlfriends tonight for dinner and coffee. So if we get the chance I might take some shots to show my progress. Still have a long way to go but oh well! One step at a time.

Slack

Weeks 36 - 38

Yes I've been incredibly slack, and it's reflected in my stats. A grand total loss of 100 grams for the past four weeks. I've been trying to work out what's going on with me. Why have I been sabotaging myself at the beginning of every week and then racing to redeem myself and burn it all off by weigh in?
I'm not propelling myself forward at the moment, I'm only just treading water. And if I'm not careful, I'll soon be sinking. I want to lose weight so so much, but obviously not more than other things at the moment, or I'd be doing that. It's time to face up to myself and to the things that are holding me back from my dream.
For one thing, I'm a sugar addict. In all forms - lollies, chocolate, cakes, biscuits...you name it, I love it. Desserts are my favourite thing. And after losing almost 17kg, I'm still eating too much of this stuff and too little of the good stuff. You know, the stuff that is of this earth, that grows out of the ground, flies in the air, runs, flows in the river or swims in the ocean. Yep, I need to eat more meat, seafood, vegies, fruit and drink more water AND less of the other stuff that's not sweeteners. If fact, I've been trying to take them out of my life.
So I need to learn balance. And I need to learn self love. I need to love myself enough to want to be rid of this weight. I deserve to be healthy. I deserve to look good and feel good and to be able to shop at all the shops I want to shop at!
Anyway, in the midst of all these weight loss ups and downs, some really great things have been happening to. Hubby and I celebrated our second anniversary over the middle of June and went and stayed at the casino on the Gold Coast. Beautiful room and fantastic night! Though we missed Michael, who was at home with my mum. We just had the best time and it was so so nice.

Rewarding Myelf, in Spite of a Gain

Week 35: Gain of 0.2kg

Hi guys. Well I wasn't suprised to have a gain this week, after going out for Asian on Saturday night, eating lollies at the movies, going to a buffet Friday night etc. The good news is it was only 0.2 and this shows me I'm more than capable of maining weight loss, with exercise and damage control! If it hadn't been for the five hours of exercise I did this week, I could have gained more. It demonstrates to me that when I'm at goal and I have a full on week, exercise will continue to be important, not just for health but for maintenance.
So I rewarded myself today anyway. I needed winter clothes and bought a heap of nice stuff. Why not?

Good Things Come in Threes

Weeks 32 - 34

I've had three weeks of losses which confirms to me that I'm heading in the right direction. It feels good to be in control of my health and making the choices I always wanted to be capable of making for myself. Some things are becoming more natural. I'm gravitating towards more healthy foods. I'm exercising regularly, although not because I want to but because I consider it to be a vital part of my day. What drives me forward is the fact that there is no going back to that life.

I walk past Portmans and Cue when I'm out shopping and I think 'one day'. They are my favourite shops and I can't wait to fit into the clothes from there.

One of the most important themes at the moment for me is acceptance. I'm learning to accept who I am as a person, inside and out and to also have patience for the amount of time it may take me to get to goal. I average half a kg a week weight loss and even though I'd love to lose a kg a week, this isn't always possible. Even losing half a kg a week is enough to stay motivated as I see the scales going down down down.

And what's really exciting is that I've now lost 17kg! It may not be 15 or 20, one of those five kg milestones but 17...wow it's really a lot of weight.

So my weight loss is going well and I'm loving family life. My husband and I are totally in love with our 9 month old son. He is so clever and teaches us things every day. I can't believe the connection I have with him and I could never have imagined how deep my love would be for him. I'm going through the process of getting our son ready for child care at the moment and he goes to ABC once a week at the moment. That's hard and it breaks my heart to leave him, but I need to work and we want to be able to give Michael a good life. In July, I go back to work four days a week, so psychologically I'm trying to arrive at a place of acceptance right now and stop fighting against that. Sometimes I wish I could freeze time and keep losing weight while time was frozen and keep my son at this age for just a bit longer. It's true that time passes too quickly.

Week 31: Wise up Bec!

I don't know what's going on but I know I haven't been as focused this week. What does that mean? It means I've eaten crap at times when I shouldn't have eaten crap and told myself that all the exercise I was doing would 'burn it off'. The penalty? A 0.8 weight gain. New total loss? 14.8. Which is lower than the 15kg I just achieved last week. I was sad, but what can I do? I only have myself to blame. I have a sweet tooth which I'm trying to curb. The question is, when will I get sick of it enough to say, I have to leave the sugar behind? It's an addiction I'm sure. This I know without a doubt: I WILL make goal. So it's just a matter of how fast now, and also whether I'm willing to let sugar slow down my process. I spoke to my husband about having a 'sugar free two weeks'. Can I do it? I sure hope so. I guess I'm the only one who can decide my success.

Week 29: Small Loss

Well you 0.4kg is nothing to sneeze at, particularly since I've been quite unfocussed this week. I've let little things go a little, like not pointing everything like I normally do. Lucky I walked five times this week! I think the exercise is what really helps me. Not much else to say, other than, I hope for a bigger number next week and to break the 15kg loss barrier!

Week 28: And down they went...

You know that .9 I gained last week? Well the gods of weight loss success took it back again this week! I'm proud. I'm proud because:
* I lost weight over Easter - almost a whole kg!
* I still ate chocolate every day but factored it in and walked for 5 hours over the week to allow for this.
* I didn't feel deprived or sorry for myself over Easter.
* I learned it was okay to have just a little chocolate and really enjoy it, instead of scoffing it guiltily.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will make it to goal. There will be no quitting. It has taken me a long time to change, but now I don't want to go back to how I was. What a half life. I see poor buggers lining up for McDonalds, KFC etc in food courts, and I think , you don't know what you're missing - there is a whole world of wonderful, exciting flavours out there. Stop eating fried, tasteless crap! How things have changed...

Week 27: Put on

Yes, eating whatever you want and not exercising soon catches up with you. For me, in the form of .9 kg. This is a journey I'm on, and I'm making my fair share of mistakes, as well as learning lots too. Life shows me again and again that committment to the cause is rewarded, and when I treat my body how it should be treated, the scales go down. When I don't, well....this week has proved what happens. Anyway, a bit sad but as I always say, the minute you step on the scales your new week starts. And mine has started. Next week, those scales are going down....

Week 26: Loss of 400grams & New Bra!

So today I lost .4 which I was quite happy with, since I had gone over my points on a couple of the days, even though generally I had a good week. Next week I intend to make my 15kg total loss. Grand total this week: 14.3kgs.

Last week I had my hair done as a reward for getting my ten percent, and in photos I took of my baby boy and I, I could see the difference in my face. I just feel so much better. In my body. In my energy levels. My clothes are looser and I'm buying new ones. I'm glowing a little bit more....

Oh and today I bought the first bra I've bought since I was pregnant, since before I lost this weight. Its lovely and silky and black and lacy. Woooo hooo. It fits very well and is comfortable. And I can wear underwire now!! I'm no longer breastfeeding. Out of the maternity bras and back into nice ones!

This is a picture of my baby boy and I.... He's protesting about getting his photo taken hehe

Week 25: I did it! 10%

I walked to my meeting with nerves in my tummy. I knew I'd had a fantastic week and tried really hard. I know generally I'm living my life in a much healthier way and doing all the right things. But I was thinking 'what if I put on weight? For no reason at all, the scales just go up?'.

Well, standing on the scales I leaned over just enough to see that the scales said 114 point something, and I know I'd done it, I 'd made 10%! The scales actually said 114.4. I was so excited, you'd think I'd made goal. And the lady that weighed me was excited too. I had lost a grand total of 1.5kgs. So I went and talked to my leader and told him and he said it was great and that he'd give me my award (the key ring) during the meeting, so I could say something. So then I got nervous again! hahaha

So I've now lost 13.9 kgs and already feeling a lot better. I keep thinking of the goal in sight - to be a sexy, healthy mum and in a fit enough state to get pregnant again next year. Life is so wonderful right now. My son just makes every day wonderful, and I love watching him with my husband. I can see the love between them more and more every day. I love making my son part of my exercise routine. Often lately I will put him in the baby sling and off we go, on a walking adventure. He checks on me now and then to make sure I'm still there and give me his gummy smile. And then he looks at the birds in the sky, or the sticks on the road. I'm feeling better about myself every day. I'm feeling more and more energetic and alive.

It's really hard being a slim person stuck in a fat person's body. Often I think, this isn't me, I'm not fat. I feel like I'm wearing a fat suit, that needs to be stripped off. Anyway, slowly, slowly, I will unstitch that fat suit and let it slip away, revealing a healthy slim woman underneath. I'm getting there.

Oh, here are some photos of my gorgeous boy and I the day of my nephew's christening, last weekend. Face is looking a little slimmer than earlier photos.....

Week 24: Doing It For Me and My Family

My family are my life. I need to be around for them and I need to be around for me. My husband and son make me so happy. I need to lose this weight for me and for all of us. This week I gained 300 grams. It was a wake up call to get serious. I have lost 12.4 so far, in 23 weeks. I'm doing okay, but I have a long way to go and I can see the areas in which I need to improve. I can look into my own heart and be honest about that.

My son deserves to have a fit mummy. My son deserves to not get teased for having a fat mummy when he goes to school. My son deserves a healthy example. And my husband deserves to have his sexy wife back. The one who had enough energy for all those good things in a relationship. Most of all, I deserve to feel happy and healthy. For all those reasons, things are about to change. I will be fine tuning my attention to the program and living the life that I deserve. And next week......well expect to see some big numbers. Goal for this week: 1 - 2 kgs.

Week 23 - Going for 10%

Well, I'm at the end of week 23 and I've lost 12.7 kg so far. I guess an average of half a kg a week. Not bad, but I can do better. No, no, no, I'm not putting myself down and I know I've done well but I can lose weight better than this. I've done it before.

I'd like to lose on average a kg a week. I'm not drinking enough water. I'm probably having too many snacks for my points rather than real food. But in general I've improved my habits and lifestyle a hell of a lot.

I no longer eat donuts. I no longer eat hot chips. I no longer have milk shakes. I exercise. I no longer drink soft drink. I track every single thing that passes my lips. I even tracked Christmas Day. So things have changed.

I went to the movies with some friends today, to the 'babes in arms' session of Confessions of a Shopaholic. We took our babies as it's a special session for mums. The movie was about a shopaholic obviously and it was quite sad at times to see her out of control. One of my friends commented after the movie that she was like her, only addicted to food. And I realized that's me as well, but I'm slowly dealing with that. When you stop eating to cover your feelings, the feelings come out and it can feel so raw. Suddenly you have to feel everything! And deal with everything...

Like thinking about returning to work in July four days a week, and having to put my baby boy into child care. I love him so much it hurts at times. He's my bub. He grew inside me for nine months and his heart beats right along with mine. And when he's not with me for one reason or another, I feel like I've left my right arm at home. Thinking about having to leave him to work makes me churn inside. It's these types of things that I worry about, and have to stop myself from eating when I worry. As my leader once said 'there is no answer in food'.

This week I have 100 g to lose to get my ten percent. My reward for myself will be getting my hair done next Friday. Will I do it? I'm not sure. I've gone a bit over my points this week though I've done my best to balance it out. I've also had to cut some points midweek due to ceasing to breastfeed altogether in the middle of the week. It has thrown me a bit. And I haven't exercised as much as usual. But I'm optimistic I may still have a loss. Anyway, I will post tomorrow and record how I've gone.

Wish me luck!

The New Hollywood Bec!

Well, well, well maybe not exactly what I have in mind when I think of the sexy new Bec, but it's something like this....maybe not as thin, and maybe more bust!

Anyway, it's good to try to get a picture in my mind of what I may look like slimmer....but this is maybe too slim.

Still it was fun to muck around with. But I must reiterate....this is not me! It's a photoshopesque image...

Image supplied with help of Facebook and Hairmixer

Mooloolaba Trip

Well, the three of us went to Mooloolaba for three nights. It was so fantastic. It was Michael's first holiday with his father and I and he was so good! He loved the pool and just floated around so contented. Babies just know how to be happy don't they? They show every single emotiona as they feel it!. Michael loved the beach (we were afraid he would hate the sand). And I'm proud because I stayed within my points for the four days that I was there, and exercised for at least an hour a day. My husband is also trying to lose weight, so we encourage each other. It was a wonderful holiday becasue my husband was able to really bond with Michael and have some quality time. Here's a pic of myself and Michael. It's kind of flattering since it's underwater!!






It was a magical holiday in many ways. Hubby and I got to spend much needed time together. Moloolaba has always been our place. We always go back to the same apartments. We have had many happy times there. The last time we were there I was pregnant with Michael. I never could have dreamed he'd bring such joy into our lives. I never thought I'd ever feel so much love as I did the day he was born. No one prepares you for that...It was like my heart opened up even more. Sometimes I feel like my heart is overflowing with love. I'm so proud of him all the time and it's so wonderful seeing all the little ways he's changing. At the moment squealing is his favourite thing. And sucking on his toes. I know we're biased but we think he's so clever. In the photo below he is taking his dummy out of his mouth and putting back in. I'm convinced from his cheeky smile that he knows he's clever...















The second night there we had this great full moon. Not the best picture but you get the idea...

PHOTO HISTORY OF WEIGHT LOSS AND GAINS

JULY 2005.
THE BEGINNING OF MY JOURNEY.
107.3 kGS

Whoa big mamma!!!!!

That's a bad photo all over. Bad hair, bad clothes, bad weight! Look at me! I look twenty years older than 29! I was 107.3 kgs. Never again.









MARCH 2006 - 89 KGS

Ah the wedding. June 16th, 2007. I was very happy on this day and glowing.
Weight: 91 kgs.

My weight went very much up and down from the time we got engaged.














AND THEN CAME THE HONEYMOON!!! Imagine going on a P & O cruise. There was enough food to sink a battleship (pardon the pun). Anyway, I succumbed to the temptation and my waistline grew and grew. Over two weeks I put on 6 kgs. How? Carbo-overloading and little exercise. Sex doesn't count.
Here are some honeymoon photos - yikes.



96 KGS APPROX











WELL GUYS, THE NEXT PHOTOS YOU SEE OF ME WILL BE OF ME LOOKING SLIMMER, UNLESS I GET CAUGHT OUT SOMEWHERE IN THE MEANTIME.

Well I didn't get snapped looking slimmer. About four months down the track, here I am at a wedding in November, heading towards 100kg again. And it didn't stop there....

















The ever-expanding waistline. Christmas 2007. I was pregnant but didn't know it ... only three weeks though, so can't use that as an excuse for my girth.













I did a really great job of avoiding cameras while I was pregnant, but here is me with our gorgeous baby boy, Michael. Sans make-up, sans hair-brush, sans sleep!!



















....and a few weeks later
at our local rsl. Oh my god. Biggest I have ever been. In October, I joined weight watchers again, tipping the scales at 128.3. I had fooled myself into thinking I weighed 120kg.



















then there is a shot of Michael and me....at about 9kgs slimmer... at 119.3












So as you can see there have been a lot of ups and downs and while my weight went up and down, life kept on going and a lot of wonderful stuff happened. My goal is to get back to looking how I did at my wedding...and then keep going. So what's different now you say? Well, I'm determined. And I'm doing it better than I ever have. I look at my son who depends on me and I need to depend on myself and they are two big enough reasons.

The next time you see another photo of me will be when I am 109.3 kgs....There won't be too long a wait.

I'm back!! And this time I'm staying

Well, the last post I made was in November of 2007, I guess not long before I got pregnant (actually the month before). I let myself go....I made a lot of promises to myself but I forgot them. I have a beautiful baby boy who was born in August of 2008. My pre-pregnancy weight was 110 - yes I hiked and hiked up to that. And my post pregnancy weight at my first weight in October 2008 was 128.3. In 13 weeks I have lost 9.1kg. I am now 119.2. Let's see if I can rustle up some photos since I am quite a visual person and personally, love seeing photos in blogs....wait for it....