A lot can happen in 2 years

Hi everyone,

I'm back and blogging again. So much has happened since 2009.

My marriage ended around Easter 2010 - a low point to say the least.

Life was very difficult for a long time. I have been fortunate in so many ways though. I have my beautiful little boy, who is such a source of happiness.

I put on the weight that I had lost and then some.

I'm now 132.6kg....my goal weight is 72 kgs.

I have kept in posts from the past, as this was all part of my journey, including my reasons then for losing weight, which often mention my husband. Obviously he is no longer a motivational factor, other than to one day hope to see his jaw drop! My little boy is my family and I'm doing this for him and for me.

Due to changes in my life, even though I've kept posts from my past, I've deleted any photos than included my ex husband, for his privacy and I aslo have taken his name out in these past posts, to refer to him only as hubby.

I thought about deleting the lot and starting again, but this has all been part of my journey and my son is a big part of these memories, so I just couldn't do it. My life isn't segmented - it's all been part of the ride, and now here I am, trying my best to make myself happy, for my son and for me.

I WILL GET THERE!

Watch this space :)

These are probably the most recent photos of me, from about three months ago, roughly same weight. Amazing how I know all the tricks to make myself appear better in photos (see one on the right) such as tilting my chin or hiding behind my son! The one on the left shows me as I am now...what a wake up call! This time next year I want to be half that size!

One Step Closer

I lost 0.8kg this week, taking me to the total of 17.7kg and the lightest I've been on this journey so far. This has taken me one step closer to my ultimate goal of getting to goal weight and getting pregnant with baby number two. I felt really happy that I'd lost weight, though will have to try a bit harder this week to lose my goal of one kg.

So I'm one step closer to:
* The body I want
* Being sexy!
* Getting pregnant
* Throwing away all my fat clothes
* Feeling normal again

I'm going out with some girlfriends tonight for dinner and coffee. So if we get the chance I might take some shots to show my progress. Still have a long way to go but oh well! One step at a time.

Slack

Weeks 36 - 38

Yes I've been incredibly slack, and it's reflected in my stats. A grand total loss of 100 grams for the past four weeks. I've been trying to work out what's going on with me. Why have I been sabotaging myself at the beginning of every week and then racing to redeem myself and burn it all off by weigh in?
I'm not propelling myself forward at the moment, I'm only just treading water. And if I'm not careful, I'll soon be sinking. I want to lose weight so so much, but obviously not more than other things at the moment, or I'd be doing that. It's time to face up to myself and to the things that are holding me back from my dream.
For one thing, I'm a sugar addict. In all forms - lollies, chocolate, cakes, biscuits...you name it, I love it. Desserts are my favourite thing. And after losing almost 17kg, I'm still eating too much of this stuff and too little of the good stuff. You know, the stuff that is of this earth, that grows out of the ground, flies in the air, runs, flows in the river or swims in the ocean. Yep, I need to eat more meat, seafood, vegies, fruit and drink more water AND less of the other stuff that's not sweeteners. If fact, I've been trying to take them out of my life.
So I need to learn balance. And I need to learn self love. I need to love myself enough to want to be rid of this weight. I deserve to be healthy. I deserve to look good and feel good and to be able to shop at all the shops I want to shop at!
Anyway, in the midst of all these weight loss ups and downs, some really great things have been happening to. Hubby and I celebrated our second anniversary over the middle of June and went and stayed at the casino on the Gold Coast. Beautiful room and fantastic night! Though we missed Michael, who was at home with my mum. We just had the best time and it was so so nice.

Rewarding Myelf, in Spite of a Gain

Week 35: Gain of 0.2kg

Hi guys. Well I wasn't suprised to have a gain this week, after going out for Asian on Saturday night, eating lollies at the movies, going to a buffet Friday night etc. The good news is it was only 0.2 and this shows me I'm more than capable of maining weight loss, with exercise and damage control! If it hadn't been for the five hours of exercise I did this week, I could have gained more. It demonstrates to me that when I'm at goal and I have a full on week, exercise will continue to be important, not just for health but for maintenance.
So I rewarded myself today anyway. I needed winter clothes and bought a heap of nice stuff. Why not?

Good Things Come in Threes

Weeks 32 - 34

I've had three weeks of losses which confirms to me that I'm heading in the right direction. It feels good to be in control of my health and making the choices I always wanted to be capable of making for myself. Some things are becoming more natural. I'm gravitating towards more healthy foods. I'm exercising regularly, although not because I want to but because I consider it to be a vital part of my day. What drives me forward is the fact that there is no going back to that life.

I walk past Portmans and Cue when I'm out shopping and I think 'one day'. They are my favourite shops and I can't wait to fit into the clothes from there.

One of the most important themes at the moment for me is acceptance. I'm learning to accept who I am as a person, inside and out and to also have patience for the amount of time it may take me to get to goal. I average half a kg a week weight loss and even though I'd love to lose a kg a week, this isn't always possible. Even losing half a kg a week is enough to stay motivated as I see the scales going down down down.

And what's really exciting is that I've now lost 17kg! It may not be 15 or 20, one of those five kg milestones but 17...wow it's really a lot of weight.

So my weight loss is going well and I'm loving family life. My husband and I are totally in love with our 9 month old son. He is so clever and teaches us things every day. I can't believe the connection I have with him and I could never have imagined how deep my love would be for him. I'm going through the process of getting our son ready for child care at the moment and he goes to ABC once a week at the moment. That's hard and it breaks my heart to leave him, but I need to work and we want to be able to give Michael a good life. In July, I go back to work four days a week, so psychologically I'm trying to arrive at a place of acceptance right now and stop fighting against that. Sometimes I wish I could freeze time and keep losing weight while time was frozen and keep my son at this age for just a bit longer. It's true that time passes too quickly.

Week 31: Wise up Bec!

I don't know what's going on but I know I haven't been as focused this week. What does that mean? It means I've eaten crap at times when I shouldn't have eaten crap and told myself that all the exercise I was doing would 'burn it off'. The penalty? A 0.8 weight gain. New total loss? 14.8. Which is lower than the 15kg I just achieved last week. I was sad, but what can I do? I only have myself to blame. I have a sweet tooth which I'm trying to curb. The question is, when will I get sick of it enough to say, I have to leave the sugar behind? It's an addiction I'm sure. This I know without a doubt: I WILL make goal. So it's just a matter of how fast now, and also whether I'm willing to let sugar slow down my process. I spoke to my husband about having a 'sugar free two weeks'. Can I do it? I sure hope so. I guess I'm the only one who can decide my success.

Week 29: Small Loss

Well you 0.4kg is nothing to sneeze at, particularly since I've been quite unfocussed this week. I've let little things go a little, like not pointing everything like I normally do. Lucky I walked five times this week! I think the exercise is what really helps me. Not much else to say, other than, I hope for a bigger number next week and to break the 15kg loss barrier!